The quiet, persistent wish to humiliate, to pay back, to keep the score is ever present today. The death of it is only possible when we understand that Jesus has already absorbed the full cost of our own inexcusable sins. To refuse forgiveness for another is, in the end, to refuse the very mercy by which we ourselves stand. It’s only compassion through grace that causes the death of resentment.

Yet powerful is cowardice and pride. Lewis saw it plainly: everyone thinks forgiveness a lovely idea until they have something to forgive. I say, worse is a grudge –  something, mercifully, I rarely hold. But I know many who do. It’s the heavy chain they forge and wear upon themselves –  they often call it “justice.”  It causes them to arrogantly hate the  things they see in others but not in themselves. It supplies a private sense of power: I still hold this over them. I have not let them off. I am not the weaker party. It can even feel like righteousness.

Grudges keep the wounds open, they poison the well of compassion, and quietly contradict the prayer they dare to pray in church, but rarely in their closet: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” I didn’t say this, but I heartily agree, “Most nurse their resentment because  it feels to them like strength.”

To you who are bitter, who will not forgive, and hold grudges, I say, Christ has forgiven the inexcusable in you, is it not silly of you to be so cruel? Ask Jesus who sealed your own pardon to give you the higher witness of a pardoning heart. This is not weakness! It is one of the oldest and most persistent lies the human heart tells itself: that to forgive is to lose, that to release a grudge is to surrender. The world measures strength by the ability to retaliate, to keep score, to make the other feel the weight of what they have done. They want the upper hand, they hold on to the last word, it’s their moral high ground. But remember,  Jesus  said, “Father forgive them.” His love was stronger than any grudge one could muster. Steven could have cursed his killers as they stoned him, but he said likewise, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them.” Meekness is power under control. It is the lion who chooses not to devour. Paul writes, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Lewis said something  like, forgiveness is the labour of those who have decided that their own hearts will not be held hostage by another’s sin. Having an unforgiving heart is not dignity!

The heart that has truly received grace becomes gracious. The one who has been shown compassion learns to show it. The one who has been forgiven becomes a forgiver. Go to the cross! Gaze upon it as if you are there watching Jesus die for your sins. The weight of your sins is heavy on Him, why are you looking at the sins of another at this moment? He’s dying for both of you. His grace is for both of you. Release! The freedom waiting on the other side is greater than any satisfaction the grudge can give. It is immeasurably, permanently, and joyfully greater.

P.s. If the shoe fits wear it, I did not write this to shame any one reader, rather I know many who hold grudges and they grieve me. In fact TDS  is about holding a grudge, so this includes about half of our nation – so don’t feel that you’re special. My words were written because the sight of people living under the weight of unresolved bitterness is genuinely grievous – whether the offence is personal, relational, or political. Only God can fix you! Ask Him!